Episode 628: Why You Keep Getting in Your Own Way: How to Clear the Self-Sabotage Patterns Stalling Your Growth
Jun 22, 2026
Have you ever felt like you've done all the things...read the books, hired the coach, gone to therapy...and yet somehow you still find yourself stuck in the same patterns?
In this powerful conversation, Holly sits down with neuro-somatic practitioner and Identity X expert Riana Malia to explore what happens when personal growth reaches a point where traditional mindset work isn't enough. Together, they unpack how subconscious programming, stored emotions, and outdated identities can quietly shape our decisions, relationships, and business success.
If you've ever wondered why you keep repeating the same cycles despite your best efforts, this episode offers a fresh perspective (and practical tools) to help you create lasting change.
Why you keep getting in your own way, and how to stop
You have read the books, hired the coach, maybe done the therapy, and you are still circling the same patterns. In this episode Holly talks with neuro-somatic practitioner and Identity X expert Riana Malia about what happens when traditional mindset work runs out of road. The short version: the patterns keeping you stuck are not in your conscious mind, they are in your subconscious programming, your stored emotions, and the identities you have outgrown.
You will hear why high-achieving women stay stuck despite doing all the work, how people-pleasing and nice-girl conditioning still run the show, why repeating your story can keep you trapped in it, and a simple 72-hour exercise for rewiring your focus. If self-sabotage keeps showing up right when you are close to your next level, this one is for you.
In this episode, you'll hear:
- Why high-achieving women often stay stuck despite doing extensive personal development work
- The difference between your conscious mind and subconscious programming
- How people-pleasing and "nice girl" conditioning continue to influence decisions
- Why repeating your story may actually keep you trapped in it
- The importance of clearing old identities before creating new results
- How to identify the beliefs and patterns that are quietly running the show
- Riana's simple 72-hour "Away vs. Toward" exercise for rewiring your focus
- The role of frequency, attention, and emotional regulation in creating change
- How self-sabotage shows up when you're close to your next level of growth
- A practical framework for moving through the Clear → Create → Claim process
Want more on this? Read how to get out of your own way as an entrepreneur.
CONNECT WITH RIANA:
Website: https://www.rianamalia.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rianamalia/
Quiz, What’s Standing Between You And Extraordinary Love: https://quiz.rianamalia.com/
🔗 LINKS MENTIONED:
🎯 Free Quiz: What's Standing Between You and Consistent Business Income? → hollymariehaynes.com/quiz
👉 Download the Full-Time Business on Part-Time Hours Podcast Bundle → hollymariehaynes.com/fulltimeparttime
🌎 Website → www.hollymariehaynes.com
📲 Instagram → @thehollymariehaynes
🗨️ Chat with Holly → https://www.hollymariehaynes.com/chat
Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Riana Malia?
Riana Malia is a neuro-somatic practitioner and Identity X expert who helps high-achieving women clear the subconscious patterns that keep them stuck. Her work picks up where traditional mindset work leaves off, focusing on stored emotions and outdated identities rather than just positive thinking. In this episode she shares how those hidden patterns shape your decisions, relationships, and business.
Why do you keep repeating the same patterns even after doing the work?
Because most personal growth work happens at the conscious level, and the patterns run deeper. Riana's point is that your subconscious programming, stored emotions, and old identities quietly drive your decisions, so reading more books or setting more goals does not touch them. Real change comes from clearing those old patterns first, then building the new result on top.
What is self-sabotage and why does it show up right before a breakthrough?
Self-sabotage is when your own behavior pulls you back just as you get close to your next level. It tends to spike near growth because a new level asks you to become a new version of yourself, and the old identity fights to keep you safe and familiar. Naming the belief or pattern running the show is the first step to moving through it instead of around it.
What is the Away vs Toward exercise?
It is a simple 72-hour practice Riana teaches for rewiring your focus. Instead of moving away from what you fear, you deliberately point your attention, frequency, and energy toward what you actually want. Done consistently, it retrains where your focus goes, which is a big part of her Clear, Create, Claim process for lasting change.
Ready to see what is quietly standing between you and your next level? Take the free 2-minute quiz. Take the quiz here. 💛
